I Love You So Much, I Hate You!
by Night Rain Illusion
Summary: Or "I think I prefer getting mauled by a bear than this". Minoru Shiraishi reflects on the time he spent when he had been working at Lucky Channel and the enigma that is Akira Kogami. Slight Akira/Minoru near the end.


There needs to be more Akira love in this series. Just saying. Don't own anything.

**I Love You So Much, I Hate You!**  
(or "I think I prefer getting mauled by a bear than this")

---

"Kogami-san, this is Minoru Shiraishi. He will be your co-host and assistant for Lucky Channel. Shiraishi-san, this is Akira Kogami."

He remembers being introduced to the pop idol before the beginning of the taping for episode one, remembers thinking how cute she kind of looked, what with the sailor uniform with the huge sleeves and large gold eyes and from how short she was. She seemed to be smiling, which was a good sign. He kind of admired her in a way, for being so talented and yet so young.

"You two go ahead and become better acquainted. Kogami-san, don't cause trouble." the director said, the latter directed at Akira who didn't quite answer them back, which caused Minoru to stare. What was that supposed to mean?

"It's nice to meet you. I can't wait to work with you." he bowed politely with a smile.

Instead of returning the greeting, Akira looked him up and down, as if appraising a painting before responding, "Akira-sama."

"E-excuse me?"

"That's what you'll call me by. Got that?" Was that a hint of a threat in her voice? No, he must of imagined that.

"Ah, alright...Akira-sama."

At this she seemed to nod approvingly before walking off towards the set, until she suddenly stopped in her tracks. "Shiraishi?"

"Ah, yes?"

"...Don't be in my way, okay?" The tone sounded friendly but betrayed that same hint of malice from before. Like as if she would do something horrible to him if he answered otherwise. He hadn't known what she was going to ask, but he certainly had not been expecting that.

"Uh, of course..."

Akira seemed to be watching him for a moment before walking off to take her place on the set, a smile already fixed in place as well.

_What had that been about?_, Minoru couldn't help but wonder as he slowly took his place next to her. _Well, no matter. At least I get to be part of a tv show with someone as cute and famous as Akira-sama, anyway..._

Little did he know he would be spending the next couple of months literally living on the edge of his seat and ducking from ashtrays from a very bitter chain-smoking former pop idol who got pissed off at every little thing, but at the moment, before the camera started to roll and Akira gave him a small wink that seemed to say, "Remember that thing I just told you? Keep it in mind.", he was happily oblivious for all of two minutes.

----------

"This is just the absolute worst. I mean, what are these idiots thinking when they make this show? Why am I stuck with this lame crap that anybody could come up with..."

Minoru could feel a familiar sweat-drop forming as he attempted to get the other's attention, who was in the midst of another one of their rants during an episode taping. "Ah, Akira-sama..."

"It's unbelievable. Incredible even."

"A-Akira-sama, if it makes you feel any better I wasn't on screen either-"

Oops, wrong answer, as Akira suddenly rounded on him, up close and practically _screaming_ in his face. "Nobody gives a damn about you! Did I ask about you? Hey, did I ever even mention you?"

"N-no, you didn't..."

"So why did you bring yourself up? Don't be so self-centered." Akira turned away, folding her arms and looking as generally disgruntled as usual, "Are you an idiot or something? You're always like me, me, me! That's called being overly self-conscious you know. You should just make yourself scarce, Shiraishi!"

_I could almost say the same about you, you know._, he thought to himself but bit back the retort, less he brought on more of her wrath. He _really_ didn't want to take an ashtray to the head again like before.

Akira huffed, muttering something about going to have a dirty mouth if she kept going on like this as well as other things that were a bit indistinguishable, but it was at this point that Minoru was questioning what gods out there hated him enough to have him be working with _Akira Kogami_, the kind of cute but scary beyond all reason idol. Something that he had been questioning since Day One of Lucky Channel actually but had still gotten no answer to. To think that he still had ten more episodes to go before he'd finally be free of Akira-sama's reign of terror.

However he didn't have much time to think about this as Akira was suddenly addressing him again. "Let me ask you. What am I? An idol, right? An idol depends on her looks, right? Isn't it a given that I should be on screen? What do you think?"

_I think you're bipolar with the most out of control mood-swings ever..._

But what came out of his mouth instead was, "Y-Yes! You're absolutely right!"

Akira made a noise of disbelief; she may as well have been putting a hand up to her ear for her next words. "What was that? I can't quite hear you Shiraishi." Like she knew just how much control she had over the other if she didn't like his answer.

"T-the staff for this episode acted in a logic-defying manner! They should of put you in the actual show instead of just using your voice."

Akira stared at him for the longest moment before making a noise of vague approval of his words for now as she began to write something on a board and holding it up to the camera for the audience to see, suddenly all smiles and charm again. Sometimes Minoru wondered just how she could switch between the two moods so easily.

"Got it? This is a request from Akira! Akira needs everybody's support to appear in the actual show! So send in loads of encouragement! Any method works! Just give them a push! Say that you're dying for me to appear in the actual show!"

Akira put her long sleeves close as she started to ramble about how the rest of the cast of the show couldn't hold a candle to someone that had talent like _she_ had, and for a moment Minoru was a bit taken aback. _She's desperate...she's really desperate today..._

As Akira continued to ramble on, more words of praise and encouragement to the audience (why did she never say anything like that to him and had to treat him so callously?) Minoru found himself vaguely fascinated for a moment. It was impossible to deny that Akira-sama _was_ in fact kind of cute when she acted more like this, and might even be more likable if she didn't fly off the handle so much over the littlest things.

Suddenly a staff member came up quietly on his side. "We've ended the broadcast. We need you to stop Kogami-san from continuing on like that."

"Ah, understood." Although he was thinking _Why me?_ and contemplating if it wasn't too late to make an escape, knowing how Akira would react if he tried to stop her.

Sigh. The things you have to do.

"Um, Akira-sama..."

As expected, she suddenly turned at him, screaming again. "Shut up! I was on a roll! How many times do I have to tell you not to get in my way!?"

Before he could be forced to answer, the ending tune of Lucky Channel came up and he breathed a sigh of relief. _Saved by the bell..._

As they both waved (him a bit awkwardly, her in her usual spastic charm) and the ending title card came up, Akira huffed, returning to her angered demeanor as she folded her arms. "Finally, it's over. What a pain."

Suddenly she threw a glare in his direction, as if he said something insubordinate of him. "Hey, you. Go get the producer. I have a few complaints to make about this program."

_Of course you do..._ "Ah..."

"Also", Akira suddenly cut him off, the glare narrowing further, "Where do you get off treating me like this?"

Being understandably confused, Minoru scratched at his cheek. "I'm not sure what you mean..."

There was a slight pause as if she was listening to hear if the camera was rolling before she was suddenly pointing an accusing finger at him. "_That_. Don't talk down to me as if I'm just some petulant child you're forced to put up with here, or like you're just answering what you think I want to hear. It really pisses me off, Shiraishi."

Minoru couldn't help but gape at her (was she actually self-aware of how she acted around him during the show?) but without waiting for an answer, Akira suddenly stood, shouting something or other at the producers before storming off in a bitter rage.

He really couldn't wait until the series was over so that he wouldn't have to put up with the rage-aholic yet sometimes confusing Akira-sama.

----------

"It's really been fifteen episodes so far, hasn't it?"

Akira seemed thoughtful, in a better mood today and almost as if genuinely asking for his opinion. She was even smiling a little. _I wonder what she's so happy about now seeing as last episode didn't end very well..._

"Yes, it has..." Minoru answered, even smiling a little as well since Akira didn't look like she was about to jump down his throat any second...but then again, you could never really know with her.

Akira leaned the table, head in hand as she looked at him. "Then isn't this your last episode?"

_Wait, what?_

"Uh..."

"See ya..." she said in a vaguely bored tone, yet almost with a hint of relief, as if she was secretly _thrilled_ at the idea of him leaving. Which, undoubtedly, knowing Akira, she probably was.

"Didn't you hear? The producers told me that starting with episode 16, the show would feature Akira Kogami alone, so good luck.." Akira stated, as if oblivious to his horror at this announcement.

_What? That's what she's so happy about? Was that was she was wanting to talk with the producers about last time? I should of known...this is the end for me..._

"Uh, that's...that's..."

Akira was watching him, an indescribable emotion flitted across her face for a moment before she suddenly grinned, pointing a finger at him. "Gotcha! April Fool's!"

"Eh!?"

"April Fool's. It's today." Akira explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

_W-was that what it was? She has quite a sense of humor..._

"Oh, I see...that's what it was..." Minoru breathed a sigh of relief. "That's right. G-good one, Akira-sama..."

Akira suddenly looked vaguely annoyed with him again, reminding him of what she said to him last time, "You know, you were pretty pumped...during the Jam of Haruhi, the MC suspiciously looked a lot like you..."

Uh-oh, danger territory. Probably a bad idea to tell her that he really was at the Jam of Haruhi that day instead of being available for, quote "assistant stuff" as he noticed the numerous voicemails later that day demanding to know his whereabouts.

"Really? Couldn't be..."

"So when am I going to get a concert, hmm?" Akira suddenly cut across, tone quiet but dangerous.

_Eh? A concert? ...Ah, that's right, she's a singer._

"No idea..."

This didn't seem to be the right answer either as she slammed a hand down on the table, looking irritated. "They better tell me early since my schedule's filled up for the near future and all..."

"Ah, I'll check right away!" Minoru stated quickly, attempting to discretely get the producer's attention as Akira seemed to glare at nowhere in particular, telling him to hurry it up then.

To his surprise, the producers made a circle with a hand after some sparse discussion among themselves, indicating that it was okay and that it would be next week. _Really? That's great! Akira should be fine now once she hears this!_

"Next week during this time, we'll have a live concert featuring Akira Kogami!"

Akira suddenly turned toward him, making strangled noises of disbelief and eyes wide. Hopeful even. "N-Next week!? F-f-for real!? They secured a stage?"

"Yeah! He had some strings pulled to have it done for you!"

Akira sat staring at him in shock for a minute before bursting into a huge grin, throwing her arms up in the air with glee. "This is awesome! Not bad, Itou! This is...this is..."

_Wow, Akira is practically speechless. She must be really happy._ Minoru noticed. It was a shame she wasn't like this more often, happier even. Maybe this could be his one chance to get on her permanent good side, if he helped everything go smoothly. If it went well, then perhaps she wouldn't be so bitter and angry for some time.

"I can't wait to hear you sing, Akira-sama! Leave the MC duties to me! Believe it or not I'm well known for my abilities as an MC..."

Akira didn't quite seem to hear him though as she fist-pumped the air, speaking more to herself. "Right, I'm going all-out!"

The ending theme kicked in and they both gave a cheerful greeting back to the camera this time, Akira more enthusiastically than ever before. As the camera came to a halt (in which he thought he heard her mutter something about "wondering if Shiraishi really is going to be around next week") and he started to stand, he suddenly saw a familiar long sleeve waving in his face to get his attention, tone callous again.

"You weren't bad either, but you better not mess this up for me, got that?"

Well, it was nice while it lasted. "Uh, right. Of course."

Akira seemed to stare at him for a moment before turning on her heel, humming and smiling a little to himself as one of the producers came up next to him, looking vaguely worried and waiting until they were out of earshot of Akira before he spoke, "Listen, Shiraishi, there's a slight hitch with the concert."

Uh-oh. "What do you mean?"

"We don't _really_ have the budget to have a concert for her."

"Then why did-"

"Because frankly she scares us." he answered for him, which Shiraishi couldn't help but agree with him. Poor guy.

"So what are we going to do then?"

"Well, the most the budget will allow would be to have it at the karaoke bar down the block from here and set up the camera in one of the rooms. Technically it would be a live concert for the viewers at home..."

Minoru couldn't help but make a face at that. Was the budget really that low? Akira wasn't going to be too happy about this...not to mention, taking someone to a karaoke bar would be like something you'd do on a date if it was just two people. Just the thought of being on a date with someone like _Akira_ of all people made him shudder a little.

"We'll leave it to you then, since you took it upon yourself to be her MC and all." the producer waved a hand in dismissal as he walked away.

"Ah, wait a second..." _Ah man, I'm in trouble here..._

Suddenly he could hear Akira's voice in his head, more threatening than before, _"You weren't bad either, but you better not mess this up for me, got that?"_

_...I did say that I would take care of it, didn't I? I guess I have no choice..._

It wasn't until he was walking home later that day when he realized that Akira had, in fact, actually complimented him today...in her own way of course.

----------

"The freezing sea of Japan. Where have my loved ones gone? Now she swims solo through the raging waters of the entertainment industry. Now, for your pleasure, Akira Kogami with 'Cape of Thirty Years' her hit sin-"

"HEY! How is _this_ a concert!?" Akira glared at him from her spot on the karaoke stage, as displeased as he knew she would be. He couldn't wait until this was over.

"This is the best we could do on our budget!" Which was true, in his own defense.

"Don't think you'll get away with this Shiraishi! I'll get you for this!"

The music began to start up before and perhaps he had never been so happy for a distraction. "It's starting!"

"Who do you think I-"

But quite suddenly the angry look was replaced with a rather calm look as she began to sing, as if her anger and annoyance at this situation really couldn't distract her from her song.

_"Would you mind if I told you my tale?  
I've just been whispering to the seagulls..."_

Minoru let out a sigh of relief, sitting back in the chair as Akira continued to sing. _That was a close one..._

_"Women, lead by a sincere heart...  
Frozen by the northern-sea winds..."_

Checking his watch as he vaguely listened, he couldn't help but notice that their drinks were taking a while. Like he really needed something else for Akira to be annoyed with.

_"Gone astray, love falls apart...  
Their resentment collapses..."_

A knock at the door announced the arrival of their drinks. _Oh thank god..._

_"Unable to reach you so far away...I stand still...soaked in_-Wait, the brown one's mine!" Akira suddenly interrupted, pointing at the drinks as the man was placing the drinks on the table before going back to the song for a second. _"Cape of Thirty Years~!"_

As soon as the waiter left, Akira hopped down from the stage during the musical interlude of the song, taking a huge swig of the drink she had ordered, letting out a sigh.

"Bwahhh~! Good stuff!"

Minoru couldn't help but notice that her face was turning slightly pink as she quickly downed the rest of the drink. "Ah, Akira-sama..." _Don't tell me she's getting wasted!_

But Akira ignored him as she returned to the stage, continuing the song as if uninterrupted.

_"We break down in tears in our own little place...  
Regretting that night of love.  
Men, making selfish promises...  
Never keeping a single one..."_

As he listened, Minoru couldn't help but make a face. _What a strange song. What was she thinking when she wrote this?_ And then, a curious thought. _Was she wronged by someone in the past? Is that why she's the way she is?_

The phone above him suddenly rang, the manager informing them that their time was up. "Ah, that's right..." He'd have to tell Akira that she had to stop singing now.

But as he cast a glance over at the stage, Akira was still singing, clearly enjoying herself. Perhaps for the first time since he had met her.

_"Thrown right into..."_

"Would you like an extension?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Extension...?"

_"...the spray of the waves..."_

"...Yes. It's okay."

"Alright. You have five more minutes left."

"Yes. Thanks."

Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Akira giving him a curious look as he stood, making a note to the cameraman about the extension as well as giving a goodbye to the viewing audience, but as soon as he turned around, she was back off in her own little world and very pointedly looking anywhere _but_ at him.

_"Unable to meet you so far away...  
I wish to offer up my love for you..."_

As the song came to a close with a dramatic _"Soul of Thirty Years~!"_, he clapped for her, thinking maybe he really would miss all this in the future when Lucky Channel was over and done with, and maybe he imagined it or it was the alcohol, but she seemed to smile a little in return.

----------

Of course, everything went to hell after that and after trying to get her approval (now he wonders why he ever wanted it anymore) getting sent to the mountains just to get _mauled by a bear_ to bring back water _Akira-sama didn't even like and had thrown at him shouting her usual obscenities_, something in him _snapped_ because he did _not_ deserve to be abused like this, grabbing that little bitch by the front of her shirt and pulling her close.

"You...you...what the hell do you think I've put up with!? I've had to constantly deal with you and all those little selfish comments of yours!"

"Mi-Minoru?" Akira looked shocked. Scared even. He almost missed the fact that she had even addressed him by his first name. Almost faltered.

"Today, I'm going to say whatever I want! Do you have any idea how I've dealt with the constant stress you put me through during this show? Every damn day I have to work at Cocoro*** to make ends meet, they pay more there than for voice acting! But then I have to sit here and listen to you and your damn insults constantly!"

He shoved Akira away from him, who stood there watching him and looking petrified.

To hell with all this. There was no way he was putting up with this anymore. "I'll quit. I'll quit this stupid show...damnit!", he cursed as he flipped the desk with rage, causing Akira and the others to quickly back away.

As he found himself destroying the set in a fit of rage, he vaguely remembered that day so long ago at the karaoke bar, _Akira's smile_, which caused him to laugh scornfully, swinging at everything he could within reach.

"'Cape of Thirty Years' you say!? If _that's_ gonna be material, you just _know_ I'm going to end up being thirty from listening to it! Hahaha..."

Needless to say, after finally getting the rage out of his system and enduring a lecture from Goutoza-sama, both Akira and Minoru were fired, save for being told they would make one last episode of Lucky Channel.

As they were both sitting in the ruined set, neither one looked at or spoke to the other.

----------

"Pleased to meet you, Sensei! I'm Kogami Akira! I'll be doing my best today!" Akira was smiling today. As if what happened the last time the two of them were in each other's company didn't end with violence.

"Name's Sakuraba. I mean, I'm Sakuraba. Today's like a rehearsal, so just do some checks and we'll be set. Please."

The teacher sounded vaguely bored before turning to Minoru, "Hey, Shiraishi, you can deal with the rest."

"Uh, okay..." Shiraishi turned his attention to Akira, remembering that he had to pretend he didn't know her. (Oh how he wished he didn't know her)

"I'm the chair of the culture fest planning committee, Shiraishi Minoru. Pleased to meet you."

Akira didn't say anything in return. No "nice to meet you" or anything. But it wasn't like he was expecting her to.

"Alright, I'm letting Shiraishi handle the rest, so if you need anything, go to that guy. I mean, please ask him about it." the teacher told Akira as she left the room.

"Okay!" Akira smiled cheerfully, but as soon as the teacher left the room, the cheerful atmosphere promptly left the room and they were both glaring daggers at each other.

_This time though, I'm not giving in to her indulgences._

"Hey, you. Say something." Akira suddenly spoke up, apparently unhappy with being ignored by him.

Minoru didn't say anything at first, not wanting to answer her, but eventually stated, "You should of gone to the Youkai meeting..."

Before Akira could bite back an angry retort, the teacher popped their head back in, watching them suspiciously. "Is everything alright?"

"Ah, it's okay!"

"We were just planning things and it got kinda lively...!"

Their nervous laughter seemed to convince the teacher to leave, but as soon as the teacher left the room once again, Minoru turned away from Akira, looking anywhere but at her. The wall on the other side of the room was fascinating.

"You're a grateful guest, _Akira-sama_, so we'll treat you accordingly." An unkind emphasis on her name unlike before.

He could feel Akira glaring at him in response to that for a moment, but instead of commenting on the name, she looked away. "And?"

"After this, we'll have you do a mic check for 'Cape of Thirty Years' at Lucky Channel. Tomorrow, please talk freely on stage."

"...Well, I'll get them done all nicely then." Akira was being forcibly polite now, as if thinking her tone would get him to talk more to her, but instead he began to walk off.

"Then head to the stage please."

Akira seemed to stay still for a moment, but eventually followed after him, muttering vague obscenities and "That Shiraishi...", which he pointedly ignored her for most of the day, even during her little "Hiya luckies~!" speech to the people in the audience once she was on stage (now it didn't seem so _cute_ anymore), putting on a forced smile as he began to introduce her.

"On her way to her loved one's arms, the day when she reaches him...will it ever come? She travels alone, drifting, drifting away...With his words on that fateful day as her companion...she'll go anywhere to find his face. Let's listen to her song. Akira Kogami-san, with 'Cape of Thirty Years'"

----------

_Their last conversation before they ended up going separate ways for quite sometime went something like this._

_"I hate you."_

_"That's fine because I hate you too now."_

_"...Heh, you don't really mean that, Shiraishi."_

_"Yeah, I do. I wish I never had the misfortune to meet someone like you."_

_"..."_

_"...You know, I did admire you once before, but not anymore."_

_"Like I care what you thought about me before."_

_Akira starts walking away, even before he starts to speak._

_"Hmph. I just put up with it because I had to. 'Sides, you know what they say. When someone treats you so badly, it's because they actually like you. Or something like that."_

_Akira actually stops for a second._

_"...If that's the case, then I must love you so much I hate you."_

_And then she's walking away so fast that she's gone before he can say anything in response to that._

----------

"Okay, that's good enough!" Minoru cuts her off before she can sing, which immediately caused Akira to get in his face, screaming at him. Like old times. Well, except for the part where he screamed right back at her.

"You bastard, let me sing some of it!"

"And I said that it was a goddamn mic check! We don't have time!"

"Why should I give a shi-"

"Oh what's that? I can't understand what you're saying-!"

"I'm going to murder you, you little-!"

They'll punch and kick and scratch and bite before going home that day, bitter and angry and contemplating killing one another in each other's sleep the next time they see each other, but Minoru can't help but think that even as much as he hates her, she's starting to rub off on him a bit.

----------

_Years later, when they've both gone separately in their own paths in the anime industry after school has ended (Minoru a bit more successful than Akira is, he notes from an article in a magazine about the falling star one day), but still somehow managing to get in each other's hair since Akira tends to suddenly call him out of the blue to complain about something, he finds that he can't just hang up on her. Mostly because she'll just call him over and over again until he answers and changing his number or blocking hers doesn't seem to help._

_Not that he tried very hard to do so anyway._

----------

"Why can't you have someone else deal with your problems, Kogami-san?", he finally says one day, frustrated with her for the constant calls. Lucky Channel had long since been over and done with, why did she still insist on being in his life?

There's a slight pause before Akira suddenly replies. "Akira-sama."

A snort. "I don't call you that anymore, remember?"

There's a long pause, save for some coughing (that chain-smoking of hers was going to end up killing her someday, he couldn't help but think) before she says quietly, "...Those were the days, huh? I kind of miss it."

Miss what? The abuse? The screaming at him? The degrading him in front of others? "Uh, miss what exactly?"

Instead of giving an answer, Akira suddenly laughs as if he just said something stupid. Before he can respond, she says, "Akira-san then. But nothing else."

He opens his mouth, about to say that he can call her whatever he wants, but he stops, as she continues on. "Tomorrow, I am going to show up at your place. You are going to give me flowers and take me out on a date to the restaurant downtown. Then we are going to see a movie. Not that crappy romantic comedy movie that's out right now either, we're going to see the new horror flick. And so help me if you scream like a girl during it I will put your head in-between the theater seats and leave you there."

He's about to refuse, because seriously where the hell did she get off asking that after making _his_ life hell, but something about this, imagining just how Akira may have rehearsed this before calling him so that it seems natural, makes him laugh instead. It's very Akira-like. She hasn't really changed at all in the past years. Mostly. Maybe he had missed it. Or he was secretly a masochist or something, who knows.

He thinks for a minute about all the girls he refused before who ever asked him out, at the time unable to have a good explanation for why save for the memory of salmon-colored hair and angry gold eyes before he answers.

"...If you say so, Akira-san. But don't expect me to be holding your hand or something if you get scared."

Minoru pulls the phone away from his ear as she starts to scream obscenities at him for making that comment, but he finds himself wondering what kind of flowers someone like Akira could possibly like anyway that wouldn't piss her off as much. Or even the flowers she hated the most to do so on purpose.

Although personally he can't help but think to himself that he'd probably prefer being mauled by that bear again than dating someone as bipolar as Akira Kogami.


End file.
